Better Man

I want to be the person that makes a man feel this way one day. Bytheway, Musiq is such a blessing, he's talented, consistent, and gives everyone that soul music we all need.

MUSIQ SOULCHILD
"Betterman"

[Verse 1:]
I got a real good woman now
Someone between a lover and a friend
It feels good when she's around
And she's so far from all the others that I've been with

[Pre-Chorus:]
Cause I thought I knew what love was but it wasn't until she came and changed my life
And now I realize that

[Chorus:]
All the love in this world, I wanna give to this girl because she makes me wanna be a better man
And all the games I've played are in the past
Because I know this one's gonna last
It's crazy how she makes me wanna be a better man for her

[Verse 2:]
When I look into her eyes I see
So much in her that reminds me of myself in awe
She's so beautiful body soul and mind and I
Just wanna be the one to make her feel good in a special way

[Pre-Chorus:]
I'm a hug and kiss her and tell her how much I miss her when she's gone
Because I know that I wll never find another one like her and

[Chorus:]
All the love in this world, I wanna give to this girl because she makes me wanna be a better man
And all the games I've played are in the past
Because I know this one's gonna last
It's crazy how she makes me wanna be a better man for her

[Bridge:]
When it's said and done you wanna
Be with someone who's gonna
Be there for you when all your chips are down
and no one's around and when
No matter how hard it gets she will always be by your side
To comfort you like only a woman does and that's why

[Chorus: repeats and fades]

Babe when I'm with you it, makes me wanna be a better man
Every day and night it's true, you make me wanna be a better man
Hangin out with you just makes me wanna be a better man and,
Laying up with you really makes me wanna be a better man...

Crossroads

So I now know that Justin and I were riding off the fumes of our physical chemistry because he still doesn't understand the importance of reaching out to me and actually communicating.  The honeymoon is over.  And now enters a new face, a beacon of light and newness, my new friend Terrence.  He's so into me already, not in a suffocating, Urkel and Lisa kind of way, but in an eager, complimentary manner.  We haven't kissed or anything, have already gone out to eat twice, done the movies, and kicked it at each others houses.  AND he introduced me to his family the second time we chilled.  I have yet to meet anyone at all in Justin's life other than two cousins, which to me is oh so wack.  So if Justin ever sees the light it will probably be too late.  I'll miss him and some of his more charming characteristics, but overall, I'll get over it.  I need someone who is trying to get to know me, and who respects me all the way, who wants me to know that I'm special, and actually shares their emotions without hesitation.  I need to move on.

June.

Damn has it really been a month since I blogged?  I'm buggin'.  I had plenty of thoughts and emotions this month that I wanted to share, but I'm so caught up with work.  I'm amped about my trip to DR at the end of July!  Finally get to leave Jersey!  I haven't gone anywhere but NY all summer.  So lame.  I just bought tickets to see Bilal in August, words can't explain how enlightening that will be.  I have one month left to lose some weight for my vacay.  And shop for the trip.  I'm giving my job till Nov., cause I hate my manager.  She's tight cause I give her no love so she calls it an attitude.  I lost a lot of respect for her a while back because of the way she handles situations with employee concerns.  So now all she gets is a flat "hi" and that's it.  That's all she's gonna get till the day I put in my two weeks.  But if I get fired I would get unemployment right?  Naw I don't want that on my resume.  Everyone (meaning my family) keeps asking about school.  I don't know right now.  I have an emotional block on that subject.  As far as me and Justin, I have no idea why I feel like when I'm not around him, he doesn't even think about me.  It's a crappy feeling and it's either from my insecurity with the lack of solidity in the situation or with the fact that he never calls me.  All that said, it sucks all the way around, makes me not even want to try, cause it's like if I didn't call and say let's kick it, would I ever see you or hear from you?  Just tell me if you have something better to do with your time dude.  Some other interesting things have unfolded but I'll save it for preferred blog.  That's all for now folks.

With Myself

I stayed inside with myself today
Fought the temptation to go out and play
Lounged around and thought in silence
Watched a movie and thought in silence
Maybe I missed out on a lot today
All I truly miss has long gone away
Inside I stayed while the day moved on
Sunrise to set I remained alone
Now night blankets the remains of the day
As memories are lost when time fades them away
I think of moments no longer tangible
I let go of feelings no longer manageable
I'm glad I stayed with myself today
Eventually everyone else goes away

Blame it on the Boogie

I need to PARTY.  A S A P.  I feel so much pent up energy.  Which of course can be expelled in other great ways too, but I think a party, a good party, will fit the bill right about now.  I want this summer to be memorable and full of fun.  I have to get back into the swing of things with my social life, I almost let my job get the best of me, but yesterday I called out cause my uncle and the fam wanted to go to Six Flags.  So I was like peaceeee.  It was hot as hell and me and my cousin walked for an hour looking for this one damn ride, we finally on the line, and I almost passed out from heat exhaustion, so we left Six Flags, disappointed and hot as hell.  I fell asleep thinkin I would wake up back in E.O., but instead I wake up the the Jersey Shore and the beautiful Atlantic Ocean.  My cousin and I walked along the sand collecting shells, taking in the beauty of it all.  It was inspiring, and enlightening.  I refuse to waste away inside David's all summer, Imma par-tay.  Shoot.

Tragedy

Haven't been to the gym in a hot minute.  This whole month has gone to shit.  I don't know what my problem is.  I know I still have goals to attain, but I'm acting like I have all the time in the world when clearly Imma be vacationing soon and needing to look right in my outfits.  There's still time though, I have till July to tighten up.  Pray for me.

Whatever.

I'm trippin'.  I think my mid-20's come with their own crisis and it's definitely closely tied to being really emotionally needy.  I'm good with dude but I feel like I'm so neurotic.  And that maybe I want too much too soon.  But who's to judge when that is, I'm just following my feelings and I know I need something official.  If he can't give me that or some kind of indication, I might have to walk it out.  I feel like an asshole but when I was younger nothing was easier than to float aimlessly in meaningless relationships because I was too busy thinking the sun rose and set on my ass.  Now with some more insight into life and how short it can be, I need to get answers asap.  Even the coolest relationship can end up being a serious waste of time if you let it drag on and on.  So with that said, and with one major waste of time and energy already under my belt, I know I have to breech the subject.  But as far as tonight goes, whatever, I'm bout to read this book and think about it later.

Untitled

Love is an ideaWhich can be challenged
Deconstructed
Misinterpreted
Conceptualized
Verbed to bits
Can it be expressed
Accepted
Projected
Deflected
Invested
Is it tangible
Feasible
Negligible
Legible
Possible.

Empty Pages

Something is missing from my life.  I am fighting a looming depression.  I get through each day individually with a sunny disposition.  But thinking about the past or the future challenge so many emotions I go numb with the overwhelming nature of tackling how to move on in my life.  It's not a lot to do.  But it's a lot for me, a lot of moving forward, which I've realized is very hard for me to do.  A lot of wanting more for myself so that I can afford to want less later on.  Just growth in some major areas.  I hope I am ready to face some issues with strength and dignity, and ask for help when needed.  So right now I feel like each day is an empty page.  An empty page of poetry I could have written, an empty list of accomplishments I could have garnished, or thoughts I could have explored, goals reached, life lived.  My complacency might be my undoing.  I am aware, I just need to find the means of acting on it.

Mother May I.

I get the feeling that my house will be too crowded in a couple months.  My mom has successfully gone from being a Haitian immigrant 34 years ago to being a welcome house for all of her relatives from Haiti.  And now finally, the person she's wanted to bring here the most, my grandma, just got her Visa and is due to be here this summer.  There was only one bedroom not taken in the house.  And I know that @ 24, I want more privacy and out of respect for my grandma can't have company and whatnot.  So I think I need to see about other living arrangements.  I was considering getting a condo, but then I was like why leave if I don't have to.  Now I feel the crunch, I just don't fit in anymore.  I know I'll always have a home here but I'm outnumbered and my mom has a mission, who am I to get in the way?  So I'll talk to her about taking steps towards my own digs, I just wish I had a better job, but even if I did, nothing is guaranteed.