Missing me.

I really miss the way I used to be when I was younger.  My personality, my habits, the things that made me happy, I miss.  Of course part of me died when my dad passed, but I know most of me just disappeared when I went through the drama of college.  And now, it's sometimes like, what's left?  Sometimes I'm sooo uncomfortable in my own skin, or so trapped by my new complacency that I feel defeated and long for the happiness I carried with me as a youth.  It's definitely not all of the time.  But sometimes it just like, how did I lose myself, while being myself?  Little things that used to absolutely sustain me, I can't even make myself enjoy anymore.  I used to listen to music at all times, in my room, on the computer, doing homework, writing, even while I slept.  Yea it's always pumping in the car but I don't drive nearly half as much as I hole up in the house nowadays.  And writing.  I just don't understand the emotional block I have with writing, it's so frustrating.  And being silly, having senseless fun, just being myself, it's so difficult at times.  I wish if I could go back, that I would have held on to my true self a little tighter.