With Myself

I stayed inside with myself today
Fought the temptation to go out and play
Lounged around and thought in silence
Watched a movie and thought in silence
Maybe I missed out on a lot today
All I truly miss has long gone away
Inside I stayed while the day moved on
Sunrise to set I remained alone
Now night blankets the remains of the day
As memories are lost when time fades them away
I think of moments no longer tangible
I let go of feelings no longer manageable
I'm glad I stayed with myself today
Eventually everyone else goes away

Blame it on the Boogie

I need to PARTY.  A S A P.  I feel so much pent up energy.  Which of course can be expelled in other great ways too, but I think a party, a good party, will fit the bill right about now.  I want this summer to be memorable and full of fun.  I have to get back into the swing of things with my social life, I almost let my job get the best of me, but yesterday I called out cause my uncle and the fam wanted to go to Six Flags.  So I was like peaceeee.  It was hot as hell and me and my cousin walked for an hour looking for this one damn ride, we finally on the line, and I almost passed out from heat exhaustion, so we left Six Flags, disappointed and hot as hell.  I fell asleep thinkin I would wake up back in E.O., but instead I wake up the the Jersey Shore and the beautiful Atlantic Ocean.  My cousin and I walked along the sand collecting shells, taking in the beauty of it all.  It was inspiring, and enlightening.  I refuse to waste away inside David's all summer, Imma par-tay.  Shoot.

Tragedy

Haven't been to the gym in a hot minute.  This whole month has gone to shit.  I don't know what my problem is.  I know I still have goals to attain, but I'm acting like I have all the time in the world when clearly Imma be vacationing soon and needing to look right in my outfits.  There's still time though, I have till July to tighten up.  Pray for me.

Whatever.

I'm trippin'.  I think my mid-20's come with their own crisis and it's definitely closely tied to being really emotionally needy.  I'm good with dude but I feel like I'm so neurotic.  And that maybe I want too much too soon.  But who's to judge when that is, I'm just following my feelings and I know I need something official.  If he can't give me that or some kind of indication, I might have to walk it out.  I feel like an asshole but when I was younger nothing was easier than to float aimlessly in meaningless relationships because I was too busy thinking the sun rose and set on my ass.  Now with some more insight into life and how short it can be, I need to get answers asap.  Even the coolest relationship can end up being a serious waste of time if you let it drag on and on.  So with that said, and with one major waste of time and energy already under my belt, I know I have to breech the subject.  But as far as tonight goes, whatever, I'm bout to read this book and think about it later.

Untitled

Love is an ideaWhich can be challenged
Deconstructed
Misinterpreted
Conceptualized
Verbed to bits
Can it be expressed
Accepted
Projected
Deflected
Invested
Is it tangible
Feasible
Negligible
Legible
Possible.

Empty Pages

Something is missing from my life.  I am fighting a looming depression.  I get through each day individually with a sunny disposition.  But thinking about the past or the future challenge so many emotions I go numb with the overwhelming nature of tackling how to move on in my life.  It's not a lot to do.  But it's a lot for me, a lot of moving forward, which I've realized is very hard for me to do.  A lot of wanting more for myself so that I can afford to want less later on.  Just growth in some major areas.  I hope I am ready to face some issues with strength and dignity, and ask for help when needed.  So right now I feel like each day is an empty page.  An empty page of poetry I could have written, an empty list of accomplishments I could have garnished, or thoughts I could have explored, goals reached, life lived.  My complacency might be my undoing.  I am aware, I just need to find the means of acting on it.

Mother May I.

I get the feeling that my house will be too crowded in a couple months.  My mom has successfully gone from being a Haitian immigrant 34 years ago to being a welcome house for all of her relatives from Haiti.  And now finally, the person she's wanted to bring here the most, my grandma, just got her Visa and is due to be here this summer.  There was only one bedroom not taken in the house.  And I know that @ 24, I want more privacy and out of respect for my grandma can't have company and whatnot.  So I think I need to see about other living arrangements.  I was considering getting a condo, but then I was like why leave if I don't have to.  Now I feel the crunch, I just don't fit in anymore.  I know I'll always have a home here but I'm outnumbered and my mom has a mission, who am I to get in the way?  So I'll talk to her about taking steps towards my own digs, I just wish I had a better job, but even if I did, nothing is guaranteed.