Picture It.

I mean, a picture is worth a thousand words right?, here's an essay.

10 Things

1. I'm tired of my job, I wish I could find the motivation to get the ball rolling and see about school.

2.  I'm realizing that my sex drive has definitely developed as I've gotten older.

3.  I like to go out but hate clubbing.  What a blower.  I need more options @ this age.

4.  I've realized also that I need a lot of reassurance.  I'm big on verbalization.  You have to say it for me to know it, period.

5.  I miss my dog but I've accepted the fact that she is probably lost forever.  I don't know if it's right to get another one, I just don't know.

6.  The list of things to fix on my car for the summer time is intimidating, but if I tackle one thing @ a time, it can be done.

7.  How the hell am I going to lose this last 10 or so lbs?!  I've been 187 for months now, it's good and bad.  Summer is fast approaching.

8.  I'm so glad I cut my hair, I'm never going back, I'm not a white girl, it will only grow so long so what's the point.

9.  If Facebook had a blog setup like this, I wouldn't even fuck w/ Myspace like this anymore.

10.  I'm very happy with old boy but I want more...

Ummm...

I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm not a relationship professional!  I really like this kid but I feel like I have to hold back because he isn't...exactly where I am.  Or maybe that's his personality.  I don't know how to play this one.  I over-analyze situations to the point of being neurotic, but I do sense a slight imbalance, it's usually the other way around.  It sucks when your emotions grow faster than the other person's, it's such a strange feeling, cause you're out on this ledge waiting to see if you're the only one out there.  It may be a misreading on my part as well, being as I haven't had many instances of actual functional relationships.  I guess I just need a lot right now, like a lot of emotional attention, assurance, and caring.  He's been very good at providing that but it's like I don't have a limit.  I want to see him everyday and be in the nook, the happy nook.  I think this is just a healthy rant.  I'm still happy and hopefully I'm providing him with the same fulfillment that he's given me. Who knows?  It's a mystery!

No longer underwhelmed!

So this is our first picture together, @ my girl Nia's crib watching the Rutgers/Tennessee game.  It's kind of a big deal.  He doesn't like to smile, but I really like this guy.  It's weird sometimes when I kiss him I feel a flood of irrational emotion well up, making me feel compelled to say stupid shit, but I've managed to keep it under control.  We had a close incident the other day, the condom broke, so I had to take the morning after pill for the first time in my life.  Reading the side effects I was like these are the same as getting pregnant, geez.  Other than that though, this is like a real relationship, no official titles yet, but definitely everything else.  I'm happy.  This is probably the healthiest relationship I've had in a long time.  So that's what's up right!  I'll work on the pics in the future, maybe tickle him or something.

April Fooled

Yo, HBO got that off.  All of last week a ticker kept running on the bottom of the screen on HBO saying that effective April 1st, HBO would be viewable on channel 301 on Comcast Digital Cable.  I was like what the hell does that mean?  It won't be viewable on basic cable channel 14?  I thought to myself, I guess they've gotten greedy, because next week all of the original series start for this season and I was this close to getting digital so I could be in the mix.  I was hurt.  But I spent a lot of quality time watching my favorite channel, a channel that I've had, free w/ basic, since the age of 10.  Come Sunday morning, I was like lemme check, maybe it was an April Fool's prank.  Blue screen, no HBO.  I wept quietly and mourned my lost channel.  Then yesterday when I got home from work.  A movie was on, I called a friend to confirm that his HBO was back as well.  And then I submitted to the fact that I got OWNED.  Ha ha ha HBO, ha ha ha.  I still feel wary though, like @ any moment, the channel will disappear again, the trust is gone, and I don't know if I can ever get back to that safe place w/ HBO again.