Let the sunshine in...

We haven't seen my dog Princess since Thursday.  She is the first pet I ever had.  I don't think she ran away as much as she strayed too far from home and got lost.  I feel so helpless.  I want to make fliers, I want to go looking for her for hours, I want my dog back.  The house feels so empty now.  She is definitely a family member, like an annoying sibling, that you love anyway.  I've had her since August.  I hope and pray that somehow we can find her and bring her home.  My heart is really heavy right now because Thursday night she came down the street from having strayed away and my friend let her in the gate and she came up to the porch but I didn't let her in cause I figured my mom or whoever would get her and take her in the back.  I think it's my fault she's gone.  I feel horrible.  So I've been fucked up about that all weekend, but I've been spending time with my little brother Dontes, and listening to him vent about his drama, and it's made it easier to cope.  Today was beautiful, it was 77 degrees most of the afternoon.  I went to the gym and then hit the $3 car wash and came home to shower.  It took me a while to do my hair and get cute for the weather, and all I had planned for my day off was to drive around with "my beat down low, and my top laid back."  

Thankfully Don called me wanting to hang out so I scooped him and we drove around for a while making people mad at us, having a good ol' time.  We headed back to my house cause my mom cooked and while me and Don chilled on the porch, he told me that he would have tried to kick it to me.  That was very endearing but when we met in 05', I did have a crush on him but when I adopted him as my little brother I never thought of him in that way again.  Also I'm 4 years older than him and I take being "brother and sister" seriously, I love the people I adopt into my life as much as any natural relative, and sometimes more, because I chose to share my life with them.
 

Underwhelmed

I've been spending a lot of time w/my new friend and after a month of kicking it, I am just generally underwhelmed with the situation.  It's his personality, he's very laid back and comes off as really nonchalant.  I feel like the relationship is too much on my shoulders.  I call him to chill and he's always willing and comes right away but it's just wack that I'm initiating things.  I'm not pursuing, just in the driver's seat.  I ask "what do you want to do today," he's like "whatever you want to do," I want to say, "find someone with a damn opinion", but instead I suggest things like going to the movies, out to eat, Blockbuster nights, etc.  We have a lot of fundamental things in common (he's Haitian also, his father passed away too), you would think this wouldn't be brain surgery, but something is not clicking.  It might be me, I might still be in shell shock from the aftermath of Benito and very hesitant about being vulnerable to deeper feelings.  Whatever the case, I feel like, something has to change.  I was talking to a friend today and acknowledging that as I'm not getting any younger, I can't afford to waste time with relationships that don't seem promising.  Woe is me.

Life is Good.

So, it's good, counting down the minutes till payday cause my check is going to be out of control, Imma fix my broke ass window (the motor died months ago, it hasn't moved on it's own in forever, I just keep it jammed up in the corners of the door, good thing no one around the way is a car thief, whew.), get an oil change and tune up, and IPOD! (better late than never people), and even try to go to the supermarket and shop for some fruits and veggies so that I can start this diet I've been meaning to try out.  Other than that I plan on going out and having a good time as frequently as possible, being a homebody is cool but I think as I get older I am getting more antsy, I want more opportunities to take great pictures that just scream "aren't I having fun!", I know this Friday I'm going to see Premonition and to a comedy show, other than that, just working and keeping it together, paying bills and being an adult.  Oh yea, I need to get my damn car inspected, ASAP!   I met someone, we've been kicking it, it's cool, it's casual, he's really nice.  Any further questions please send me a message, lol.

Commentary...

Is it just me, or is Puffy's new video (Last Night) a carbon copy of Usher's (Let It Burn), i.e; the floor to ceiling photo of a chick, the pool, the vibe.  Just cause he launched Usher's career oh so long ago doesn't give Diddy license to launch the same video.
Is anyone else disappointed that Tyrie, that only person w/ sense on The Real World Denver as far as I'm concerned, let that crazy chick Brooke kiss him!  & in the preview for next week it looks like he's grabbin up on his girlfriend, this is not a good look.  I thought he was going to break the Real World/black man curse, ahh well.

Yes, I watch The Hills, and yes I'm on Lauren's side, I think Heidi is an idiot and her boyfriend is the spawn of Satan.
I'm excited about America's Next Top Model (ANTM) this season but if they don't get rid of that spastic broad Renee, Imma go crazy.'
I'm excited to see the new HBO movie Life Support w/ Queen Latifah, looks like a tear-jerker.