Only the Lonely

Being lonely is a state of mind. I went to the Talib Kweli concert by myself tonight and only felt alone for about an hour. When the concert started, it didn't matter that I was dolo, because everyone was rocking with Talib. So I took hella videos of him and had a good time. His DJ is extra cute:

Two shockers of the night. I know that hip-hop is mainly supported by our melanin-free brothers and sisters, but I could count on one hand the black people that were in view, not counting the negros on stage. It was really disheartening. Not only that but I was completely surrounded by white girls, which is worse than dudes, cause it was painfully obvious they were there to be seen by the dudes, flicking their fucking hair in my face and shit.  And this white kid was smoking weed behind me and tried to be slick and exhale on my arm.  I told him if he blew anything else on me I would fuck him up.  Anyhow, as far as the crowd make-up, I bet Talib feels some type of way about it too. He comes back to NY, to do shows, and sees no black or brown faces. TRAGEDY. Anyhow it reminded me of a poem by Dahlak Braithwaite, Peculiar Evolution @ 1:44

...it was life imitating art. Psh.Anyhow, the coat check line was longer than a line for free crack, so while waiting I spotted an actor that no one else on the line knew

(Anthony Mackie), he's still under the radar so I guess that's not so much of a shocker as a nice surprise.  So that was my night.  I had a good time, with myself, in my own company, and I'm really happy about it.  I also jammed out to soca the whole trip home!  Can't wait for next Labor Day to JUMP UP!...

New Year's Resolutions (Why Not!)

Alright so I wake up early for no reason and I’m looking @ my calendar and there’s 6 days till Christmas, and 12 till New Year’s.  It’s time to make some resolutions*, if for no other reason than to see what mattered to me at the end of ’07.

1.  Completed 1/8/07 Register to Vote (I know, I’m almost 25, but fortunately the Democrats took NJ last time around so I didn’t feel that bad, but this year is crucial)...helloooo Jury Duty!
2.  Learn to Sew (for some reason I am dying to learn, maybe b/c I love Project Runway)
3.  Lose 17 lbs, that would bring me to my final weight loss goal of 170lbs :o)
4.  Fix up my Acura, or just get a new car all together (either new or certified pre-owned dammit!)
5.  Get back into school (and everything involved with that saga)
6.  Write more
7.  Read more
8.  Learn how to play the piano
9.  I had a surprise b-day party 2/9/08!!  Do something cool for my birthday
10. 3 in March alone!  Go to more concerts!!!

’08 is going to be a good year anyway...I can feel it!  ’08 is grrrrreat!!

*I’m highlighting things as I complete them

Pro-choice about being Pro-life?

I'm watching a documentary called Unborn in the USA about the pro-life movement and the way that they target college campuses and the influence of religion on their crusade and I'm just wondering how you feel about the abortion issue.  I generally am pro-choice but in my own life I am pro-life.  Although I did use the morning after pill twice which to me is a gray area and a debate in and of itself.  I was thinking about it the other day, if that Plan B had not been available to me in June, I would be expecting a child in a couple months.  That's crazy.  But say I took it and still became pregnant, I would not have aborted it, is the point.  Anyhow, I feel that being a woman makes me heavily biased and it's really frustrating that in so many instances men are on the front lines of this issue.  How do you stand on the abortion issue?

Stick to the Script

"All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts" - Shakespeare

There are so many times in life when you have conversations with people and you feel as though you are simply enabling someone in avoiding the obvious. Why do people beat around the bush? Why not be direct and honest, it saves everyone involved time and energy and I feel, promotes a healthier relationship. I crave honest people, someone who will say to me exactly what it is they want within the first minute of a dialogue. I believe that it makes me more inclined to concede to their desires. A good friend of mine, Jesse, I call him my brother, well his brother is a mechanic. Alex always knew why I was calling him, one day I called him for some car related issue and I say you know I only call when I need something, and we share a laugh and he says something to the tune of and that's why I like you. It's easier in my humble opinion, to be direct, straight no chaser, cut to the quick, and move on with your life. I am rarely ever as straight-forward as I wish everyone in my life would be, although in my mind while experiencing the procrastination of others, I have already wrapped many a conversation up with a pretty little bow. I know why you called, I know what you want, so just say it already and I can decide whether or not I want to help. This is one of my peeves in life. It may seem insignificant in the pantheon of things that annoy me but actually it lies at the very heart of my interactions with the world.

Revert

This union is finite
Moving towards a linear end
A gauntlet I've found
The challenge is the danger
The danger is the adrenaline
Can I only begin again
At each end
The course disappears
As we reset
The curse reverts

It's about that time

I guess it's time to look for a new job.  Only 3 months of unemployment left.  Got some things cleared up.  Not school unfortunately, but bills are in order.  Lounged around, did what I wanted, but have basically been bored out of my mind.  So I'll pull up my socks and see what's out there.  Psh.

He’s Baaaack.

Yes folks.  Benito is back.  Sunday morning.  9AM, I get a call but just miss answering it.  Low and behold, it is he.  I call back and he says to me, I need a favor.  I'm kinda bumbed from jump but then he says, do you know any places that fix flat tires.  Like for your CAR?!  Yes indeed.  This negro not only got a car, but it's the same year and make as mine.  I'm so happy for him.  He's been fixing it up getting it set so that he can go to school in Jan.  His drive is inspiring (so is him driving!).  2 months ago he never mentioned school.  I can tell he is really happy, it doesn't take much.  Anyhow, let's focus, he comes and picks ME up in HIS car and we look for an open tire spot.  No dice, it's cold as hell and snowing, and Sunday morning.  He runs downtown w/ his boy and they find a spot while I take a nap at home.  Then he says he needs to do laundry but has never done it at a laundry mat!  So I show him the ropes there, he takes me to get something to eat, to walgreens and then home.  He was going to smoke in his car but he saw how I tensed up and said he would do it after (so sweet).  But most of the convo was light stuff, jokes about how the tables have turned.  He said he missed laughing with me.  And then, when he was dropping me home, he just came out and said: I love you Pascalle, I really do.  I couldn't help it, I said it right back.  Why?  Because I do, I always have people!  Or have you not been following the blog saga?

WTF?

Back to my brother and this drama.  He pawned the ring and then proceeded to take a bus to AC and gamble 4/5 of it away.  And I'm supposed to be supportive of his situation.  That was a slap in my face as far as I'm concerned.  I spent a good amount of money trying to make sure he was good and he just blows what little money he had just gotten.  So when I picked him up from the train station I gave that negro what for.  I told him I felt like he didn't give a fuck about what was going on in his life and I barely wanted to let him stay with me.  I was backing into my driveway and he got out of the car and walked away.  I'm sorry that you can't handle how I feel about the situation but I'm tired of letting you fuck up and sitting idly by, being the good friend, the go-to friend.  I need to be the real ass friend, that's my new role.  So I let him walk, at 12:30 in the AM, in the cold.  I called my mom and started crying out of frustration.  She said let him walk, you're not his mom.  After 11 years, I can't be responsible for him when shit isn't working out, it's not fair.  ESPECIALLY if you're not going to try to make things right.  Like I said to my mom (then immediately apologized) it's so FUCKED UP.

Yea, I almost forgot.

Drought is over.  Spent most of yesterday with my boy Marcus and I'm good now.  I almost forgot how little sex does for me.  I mean I'd really almost forgotten all the angst and anxiety of it all.  He's a good guy and if I was really sexual I guess it'd be good times, I'm just not though.  He was so close to being ticked off cause I was saying shit like, naw, I really don't want to do that, I haven't stretched, put your boxers back on b4 you lay in my bed nekked, thanks.  But I am in control of sexual encounters these days, I spent too much time obliging to what a nigga wants, fuck that, tough noogies my dude, thanks for the good time though.