Hairrorist.

I'm an emotional hairrist!  I've realized this startling fact just this week.  Still having a lot of anger and resentment inside from yet another Benito relapse made me want to impulsively change my hair again.  I shaved it off after my last traumatizing incident w/him, and now I was about to relax all my will power down the drain.  Anyhow I pulled it together and compromised on a straightening comb.  For 20$ I get the temporary look w/o the permanent guilt.  Unfortunately when I straightened my hair there was no shape to it and so I trimmed it and tried to style as best I could. I'm going to have to go to the salon (DAMN) and let them get me started with that.  Anywho what I've realized is that I don't feel any different with my hair straight as I do with it natural.  I'm still neurotic and a bit insecure, self-aware and in my head either way.  So that obliterated that lie I had constructed these past months, that it would be easier to have my hair straight.  Still the same brain under the hair!  So at this point, which I find to be most difficult - I have to think past my current frustrations.  I think of my inspirations, an ex co-worker Keisha who's natural hair was sooo long when she got it straightened and who was fly either way.  People like Erykah Badu who just don't give a damn point blank period.  Cool ass Jill Scott.  And I think about another 6 months from now when I'll have more options and be in a different emotional space.  Benito free.  Happier.  And I am steadfast, no lye.

Star Rewards

Alllllllready.
 
I fucking love 

This is the beginning of a beautiful work-ship. 
1.  20% discount holmes. 
2.  $WEEKLY$ paycheck! 
3.  Have my schedule for the entire month 
4.  Bridal is clearly different & special, making me different & special 
5.  The mall is upscale, less riff-raff. 
6.  My hours rock, I need a Sunday lounge spot ASAP 
7.  Commute is GOOD TO GO! 
8.  I like the all black attire, it’s chic. 
Macy’s works for me! (& vice versa)

Broken Record

Is there really any need to go into the drama of the day?  I think not.  Needless to say it involved Benito and it was so typical and '05 of the negro.  I have some  quotable potables to express my hurt, and I will leave it at that.

"I know now you don't love me the same - the way that I love you..." (Ashanti)

" You don't laugh and you don't cry. Love can't live without emotion.  You don't reveal and you don't hide. Wearing your disguise out in the open..." (Van Hunt)

"I played the fool before, stared at the sun till I burned out my eyesight - blind but a man must move on..." (Bilal)

"I once was young but, I'm all grown up and, I know 'bout love and, I used to love you - you tried to play me, and then persuade me, I still remember, the pain you gave me..." (Aaliyah)

"I don't wanna wait in vain for your love..." (Bob Marley)

"He ain't fly, he don't even DRIVE..." (Chris Brown) Xica

"Hey ladies, why is it that, men can go do what's wrong, why is it that, we just decide to keep holding on, why is that - we never seem to just have the strength to leave - but he's got to go - he's got to go..." (Destiny's Child)

I could go on.  I'm sooooooo tired of being tired of this man.This is played out.

Life Comes @ You Fast

I GOT THE JOB!  I now work full-time @ Macy’s in the Bridal Registry .  Good hourly rate!  GOOD LOOK!  Back in the workforce.  Now I can look into the future with some money in my pocket.  HOLLAAAAAAAA!

Now when I’m at the club and they do the whole "if you got a job, you handling yours..." I can raise my hand!! LoL

I’m really excited.  I want to put my best foot forward.  I might hit up NY & Co. tomorrow.

Flashback

So yesterday morning I happened to be awake unusually early and I decided to step my job search up a notch.  As much I like Monster and Work Jersey.com, they haven’t really been hitting me with any spectacular prospects.  Anyhow so I decide to apply to Macy's, b/c honestly, when I started in retail, that’s where I originally wanted to work.  I love Macy's and I don’t see how working there could be so bad.  So I apply on their site.  A couple hours later I get a call from HR and boom, I have an interview.  I love the internet.  No pounding the pavement, just uploading the resume and you’re IN there!  I run around for a couple hours searching for some black pants and shoes and some conservative earrings.  Get home with enough time to change and off I go to Short Hills Mall.  The very mall that anyone who knows me knows intimidates me.  It is the epitome of white bourgeoisie.  Everything in the mall is white as well!  The interview went well, interviewed with the manager of the Bridal Registry and the Regional Manager and b/c I’d worked at David’s Bridal I had an edge - on the flip side because I’d been terminated, I had to make it sound good like I don’t have a tardiness problem, which let’s face it, I do.  But I know I have the ability to be prompt if I want to.  So now I just have to see if I wowed them.  It felt good to get suited up and have an interview though.  I miss working.