This Month.

So I have a marker board calendar hanging on my wall that I update every month.  It's been very helpful to me ever since I started working, but it also puts things into perspective.  I put my pressing matters and goals on the margins and see what I've accomplished each month.  This was a good month.  So I decided to step it up with more tasks, why not?  I guess I need to ask more of myself, even though I know intrinsically I'm not driven by success, I want to be accomplished and comfortable.  So I have to want it for myself, not because other people want it for me.  I've come a long way mentally and emotionally these past couple years, and I'm proud, but now that I know I will never regress to my low point again, I can seek higher heights, with confidence, and a feeling of, entitlement I'd say, as in, I deserve it, whatever road I go down, I deserve to be happy along the way.  Since my birthday is coming up, I guess I felt compelled to make an introspective statement as I go into my 24th year of life.  To mark my progress as an individual, and see what develops in this new year.

An Evening of Stardust...

So I've been watching BET's An Evening of Stars for the UNCF Honoring Aretha Franklin, for what seems like days, but it must be going into hour 3 or 4, I can't recall.  Anyhow, anyone who's relevant in black music (and Micheal Bolton) have performed  dozens of songs, numerous times, that she's made famous.  But I have a few observations for anyone who missed this barrage of talent or is finding themselves worn down in the last hours;  firstly, Natalie Cole has a voice that is good for some types of songs, but she has completely butchered Daydreamin', which is my personal favorite Aretha song.  She just can't carry the song, the range is too much for her soft voice and it sounds amateur.  Also, Jennifer Hudson (her first time out only), Fantasia (every time! she's a DYNAMIC performer), and Chaka Khan, ripped it, period.  Joss Stone was good but I think she was so excited cause Aretha is her idol and all.  Oh yea, Smokey Robinson is a smooth cat, but did he have a face lift?  Okay, so I guess I'm in this for the long run, they're about to drag Stevie Wonder out as usual.  I mean does BET have a contract with this man, he's on EVERY award program they have...

Past Due - Reader Poll

So I met someone off of Vibeline a couple nights ago.  Yes, that's right, that corny commercial that comes on every now and then, I called it.  But mostly its for entertainment before I go to sleep but sometimes you meet someone that seems interesting.  Anyhow let's fast forward to the goods because I have to leave for Harlem in less than an hour.  So we had a nice phone convo, and of course I wanted to know if he had Myspace and he said naw his connection is too slow.  So Thurs. I was off and I asked Xic if she would roll w/ me to Morristown to meet dude @ a neutral place with good lighting and a lot of possible witnesses.  Anyhow, we go out there that night and when we get to the agreed location, there's this short light skinned dude at the counter and it seems as if it might be dude but who knows cause I didn't ask for a description.  So then I call his phone and his "friend" picks up talking bout as they were walking to meet us, the guy I was supposed to meet got locked up b/c he had warrants.  Mind you, I'm like, Morristown?  Not even hood enough for this scenario.  But anyhow I was like ok well tell him to call me when he gets out and we left.  But Xica, ever the pessimist, thinks that the guy in the spot was indeed my mystery person and he made up the story as an escape plan.  I personally think it's never that deep.  So what do ya'll think?  Mind you, I haven't heard from him since.  But who knows...just thought I'd share a possibly embarrassing experience or a hilarious anecdote, the jury is still out.  On a lighter note though, I am bout to get fresh for a party in Harlem with my girl KMack, should be good times!

Tighten Up

First, I just want to share with you all that I have paid off one of my credit cards!  As soon as I got paid I handled Macy's.  That was my first credit card back in the day so it's only right.  Also, work is going extremely well, I'm well on my way to making some serious commission this period which will hopefully allow me to pay off my second bill!  I'm trying to handle my financial situation this year, get myself in a better position so that when I go back to school I can focus.  Also so that I can shop freely without feeling guilty.  Other than that, things are good.  I have to say my blogs were more interesting when I was going through it, but hopefully something or someone positive will be the theme this new year!  Anyhow, who reads my blog other than my preferred list?  I want to know!  Leave a comment and make yourself known...oh yea, I have a milestone, I already bought myself a birthday present, I'm going to see Mos Def Feb. 16th @ the Brooklyn Academy of Music, this is gonna be my first time seeing him live, I'm beyond amped. 

I'm also excited about this party in Harlem with Katie, I'm starting become a regular in the city...that's never a bad thing...

The Low End Theory

It's not them, it's me.  It has to be.  It's not that I'm completely dysfunctional, I just don't think I have enough of what it takes to sustain a healthy relationship.  Sometimes I just don't care enough.  Sometimes I don't trust enough, sometimes I'm not completely honest, and sometimes I'm insecure but outwardly flippant.  I'm never convinced enough to put myself out there.  And that brings me to this kind of lonely place.  Over a month since the last time I saw Benito, 2 weeks since Andre and I fizzled out, and just a lot of quiet regrets and reflection.  All of my close friends are convinced if he had the right credentials things would work out, if he was "worthy of me," then we'd have a chance.  But who says I'm worthy.  What makes me so incredibly advanced that the average Joe isn't enough.  I'm a simple girl as far as it goes, I wouldn't get along with a high maintenance guy, at all.  So I always gravitate towards non grads, even hood boys, but with a modicum of intelligence, no probably not as smart as me, but that doesn't guarantee anything either.  I just think I need a vacation, to get away, get some perspective, and to return home with a more optimistic outlook.  Yea, that's it, that's my theory; it's me, and I need to get away.  Thoughts?

Disdress.

I mean, can't a girl wear a wedding dress for no reason anymore?  And post it as her profile pic?  And not get suspicious comments and confused messages?  Honey, I was bored at work, tis' all.  I love wedding dresses.  They make you feel very feminine and lovely.  Try it sometime everyone.  Anyhow, been having a good new year thus far.  Not much going on as far as relationships, but that is probably a blessing.  So I'm good!  Very content, and proud that I made commission for the first time.  This job obviously is no career, but it gives me way more satisfaction and pride then K&G ever could have.  So until I return to student life, I'll enjoy the working world for a touch more.

Yea, me too.

Is anyone else feeling like a grown-up lately?  And starting to like it?  Yea, me too!  I went to work tonight, came home and did the dishes, cleaned up a little, planned my day, am about to do some catch up work for tomorrow, and thought to myself "I'm a grown up, straight up and down."  No biggie, not fighting it anymore, and not regretting the past.  It's like, this new year is a new chapter and things are falling into a nice groove.  On another note, I'd like to share my ghetto moment of the day: I was heading to CVS before work and the woman in the Malibu in front of me had plastic shower caps on every headrest.  I just shook my head and said to myself, "my people, my people..."  It was hilarious.  I am getting to the point where I love having a things to do list and really liking money management and whatnot.  It's like, the mundane things are refreshing because they all add up to life overall.  I hope to sprinkle in many spontaneous and memorable moments of course, but I can deal with a humdrum life for now.  Just thought I'd share!

Old Poem: Full Court Press

You have been the center in my life
Making easy layups and falling back for the j
As I continuously run suicides
Just to be boxed out of your life
Never having the ability to defend against you
You jocked my affection
Cherry picking for attention and fouling up
Every legitimate opportunity we ever had for happiness
I'm calling a technical in OT
This game has gone on too long
I forfeit for lack of moving forward