"All I do is dress, and rest."

Howyoudoin'? I only have 6 days until I am on my flight to Cabo San Lucas in Mexico for 5 days of R & damn R! Well needed and highly anticipated... yes - prepared for, NO. I just, just ordered my wardrobe for the trip from Old Navy online, whom I do most of my summer shopping with, (cheap and disposable, and I know my sizing in everything). I did express 2-day, but because I ordered just now, who knows if it will arrive Monday or Tuesday? Ah well, still need sandals, a new digital camera, and a big ass beach hat. But, since I'm off this Friday, and up anyway, I made a quick collage of the items I ordered so that I could go shopping for extras before it arrives. Don't you love it. It says, laid back, colorful, cute. That's me. And for the value, can't beat it. 17 items for $200, I'm not new to this! Anyhow I am so thankful for this trip, my job, my cool ass manager that cushioned the 5 days with 3 scheduled days off so that I won't be anywhere near Macy's for 8 straight days. Who's bad? I plan on taking bukoo vacation videos this time around and going whale watching as well (apparently this is the season), also hitting up the spa. But mostly, I want to luxuriate on the beach with a piña colada and forget about all of my angst. I just want to enjoy myself, it's ME time!!!!!

Whatevs

Here are the constants in my relationship equation:  I am attracted to men who are emotionally unavailable, until of course, I'm not, then I try to be with someone that's very effusive and attentive and it's all too much.  I need a balance, I can't and do not have the ability to have either extreme.  I've been conditioned by the few male influences in my life to be a bit emotionally reserved, it always comes off as aloof and indifferent, when really, I think situations over with such manic repetition, it's a problem.  But verbalizing how I feel, is more of a problem, because as much as someone wants you to be real, they don't realize how real I can be without filters (Brad knows, lol).  And I'm at my core a considerate person.  I play things out, like 3 steps ahead, and usually veto the first thoughts that come to mind.  And so.  I'm single, and really, not very optimistic since I am still, still?  still.  dealing with someone from 9 years ago.  When I was a completely different person.  Someone whom I vaguely remember.  And yet my naivete has kept me chained to this person.  For years.  Without ANY progress.  It's, depraved.  It's wrong.  It's my choice.  And yet - if I had the balls to say the things I really want to say to him when they come to mind, he would be out of my life.  Or if I had never called him after months of not speaking, or not answered the phone when he did the last fucked up thing.  At all of these bookmarks in the life of this relationship, I could have closed this chapter of my life, but I keep flipping back to the first page, as if the story is going end differently, it's not!  I know, I know.  Anyhow this rant is just so that I can know how I felt about this on this night, because who knows how I'll feel tomorrow.  Whatever.

Let Me Tell You Something...

Lately, I've been beginning many a statement with "let me tell you something about life", in a sassy/sarcastic, about to say something borderline snarky, kind of way.  Oh and honey I feel these 26 years now.  Sore muscles, long days, "the future" seeming like a shorter period of time than it used to.  I'm no longer in the formative years of my 20s, I now feel like I'm hurdling towards 30 without many accomplishments or safety nets.  But it does afford me the opportunity to impress myself, to see exactly how much I can accomplish before the next decade of my life.  I'm pretty comfortable in life right now.  None of my relationships with men are on a relationship track, but that's ok.  No, really.  I just want to move though!  I want to pick up and skip town, especially as this winter weather drags on and on.  It's depressing, drains me of what motivation I might have had, and keeps me from being as active as I know I need to be.  This spring/summer, I'm going to find another gym and get down to my goal weight finally (170).  Why not?
I feel myself really being myself lately.  I mean, I'm in my own skin.  What I'm saying is, I'm growing up.  I have more set views, a little less patience, but still so many hopes, interests, and questions.  I'm doin Rihanna, "live ya life".  I am highly optimistic, and happy.  I am blessed, and grateful for the things I have.  I am getting my finances in order, and planning for major purchases, etc.  But on my day to day, it's like this, life is like a box of chocolates honey.  And I love chocolate.