Uptown Saturday - Not.

Mayn, ain't this bout some bullshit? I'm sittin home, fully dressed, and have already been stood up. So I called to let dude know that I made other plans. He's trippin. Then, my other plans are M.I.A, and I don't wanna chill with plans C through E, so I might as well stay my ass home. I can't believe it, I finally have a day off, b/c I had to work till closing today as well, and I have nothing to do with no one. Wow, this is classic. I bet you them niggaz is gonna be hitting me up tomorrow. F*ck em, Imma take my azz to church or something, and I ain't gonna be available for NO MAN tomorrow, they never seem to be available for me, dammit. This madness must stop! I have to get my pimp-hand strong again. How did it come to this, watching HBO at 12:30 and resigning myself to this as my plans for the night? TRAGEDY! I don't even know what to do with myself. I'm not even sleepy. This ish is kind of depressing. I think I'm going to take it down just so that I won't feel so frustrated. Once again. TRAGEDY.

Ha! Rodney just called me talking bout, you told my boy you made other plans?!? I was like you're damn skippy, you act like I enjoy sitting around waiting for you to get good and ready to call me. Now I feel like I'm hassling him on some girlfriend ish. What the heck is goin on this week?! Dudes have been showing their azzes I tell ya. I'm bout to just be abstinent again and cleanse myself of all this foolishness. Friggin men, (no offense J) are such a waste of energy sometimes. My song for the night would have to be Jill Scott "Slowly Surely"..."Slowly, surely, I walk away from, self-serving, un-deserving, constantly hur-ting me love, I - just don't know, where I - should go, so..." I'll let you know how my Uptown Saturday-NOT concludes next post.

WORK IT OUT

Well, once again I'm slippin, it's been damn near 3 weeks this time, I remember when I was younger I stayed with a journal, what happened? Well let me just bring ya up to date; I'm currently talkin to about 2.5 guys, at one point it was 6, but that's a hard number to keep up with, so I've had to show my azz to some of them just so that they could fall back a little bit. Benito, of course, is lucky number one, but we haven't had a sexual relationship in well over a year. Then there's Khalif, who is the reason Benito made our relationship platonic, apparently he was hurt when I told him me and Khalif were doin the do...oh well he could have fooled me by the way he treated me.
Now, the newer guys are Eric, Craig, Marcus, Rodney, and Shadir. It might seem like a lot but none of them are substantial and only a few were or are sexual so really - what do I have to show for it? As the old addage states, pimpin' ain't easy, but it isn't even fun when you have no one to end the day with on some chill stuff, you know?
So I cut my roster down a bit - Eric, I honestly believe dude is "How you doin", so after his b-day party and he paid me back some $ I lent him, I haven't called his ass since. Now Craig is cool, he's my maintenance man, he has his own place so whenever I need to just be away from people I see him. Marcus is my actual electrician, how ironic, but I brought him to my mother so it wasn't like I was flirting with him while he was fixing the base heaters or something. Rodney was on it hardddd. He was tryna wife me up but he was irritating me, always asking if I like him, why we haven't had sex yet, yada yada, so I stunted on him a couple times now he says he's dissapointed and doesn't even call as much, I felt bad but honestly I didn't see myself being faithful to him anyway. Now Shadir I met @ The Millions More March in DC, he's kinda old though...aight aight, he's 34, but man he's a cool kat, he lives in Paterson, doesn't have a car or celly and has 2 kids (divorced though, I'm not trifling), one is 13! But he's still good people's so I won't let those things ruin our friendship, and anyway, there's a lot I can learn from him, so I'll see what's up.
This week though, it's been all about work. I've worked for the past 6 days straight and I'm not off until effin Sat. This woman @ my job was terminated for stealin' $40 so now we have to pick up her slack. I ain't really mad cause my check is gonna be rockin! My social life has definitely slowed down, I need to just find me a tenderoni and hibernate for the winter...yea that sounds like a plan, ayo Jessie, what's good with your cousin Jason, he single?!? Lol, the song for tonight is Jill Scott "Spring Summer Feeling", "La la la la , it takes more than diamonds to woo me, la la la la la la, it takes more than money to move me, la la la la la la, it takes more than, oooo, ma-te-ri-al things-ah..."

Rodney

I gotta say it was a good day...I went to a B-day party in NYC last night which was way off from my expectations, so being that me and my entourage of 3 people were dressed to the 9s, we decided to go, of all places, to the diner, Around the Clock diner to be exact, on the eastside near Webster Hall, but that was where we had the most fun, and rehashed on how corny the party was, so it was all G. Rodney drove from Queens with his boy to chill with us so he finally met my girl Xic, and my brother Jesse, and they both approve, which means a lot.

Benito.

Mayn...I'm slippin', these past two weeks flew by, I mean there was definitely stress and drama and chilling and laughter, but yet and still somehow I couldn't make the time to post :o( So I'm just going to jump back in like double dutch and start with what went down tonight, I chilled with my brother Brad last night till effin' 5 in the morning talking and bullshitting, then we woke up at 9:30 AM to hit Jersey Gardens Mall because we have a function we have to hit up Sat. night, I bought my dress and then put my shoes and purse on layaway because I wasn't going to stress the fact the my effin bank card declined (turns out one of my many creditors debited $35 without consulting me, I have reason to believe it's Verizon DSL...the very reason I'm able to blog @ all, so Imma let that slide!
After the mall I changed for work, fixed up a load of laundry, swung it to my Uncle's house and slid to work for 5...got out bout 9:15 and took home a co-worker. I saw that Benito had called me around 7:30, but I was actually surprised because I'd thought that he was upset about some BS from earlier in the week. Needless to say the issue was resolved quick fast and we ended up linkin up bout 9:45...I just got home bout 20 minutes ago. All we did was chill and talk and ride around in the rain and b-s...good times. I realized why he's the only man I've ever loved so hard for so long with nothing to show for it. I mean my love for him does things to me, makes me feel some type of way, I guess because it's never been reciprocated in the way that I truely want it to be...and even though I always catch instances of him showing me affection, it's never enough. I've known him for going on 8 years, we kind of need each other because we remind ourselves of who we used to be, and it's like hanging out with a living document of your old self...
Will it ever progress and grow into something substantial? I doubt it. Believe me, I know that I would be more than content with being his wife and mother of his children, but some dreams are only tangible in slumber. On the other hand who knows, maybe he has some tricks up his sleeve that I have yet to uncover, it's like emotional chess, and I just want to get him in check. The song for the night would have to be Mario's Just a Friend 2000 - "Oh baby you, got what I need, but you say I'm just a friend, but you say I'm just a friend, but I can be your, fantasy, but you say I'm just a friend..." Nito is one of the few permanents in my life, so you'll be hearing more about him in future posts...till then, wishing you champagne wishes and caviar dreams...easy.