This morning I got my first taste of what an abusive relationship could be like. I slept over Benito's house (completely platonic as usual
) and we had some drama over him going into my purse. He tried to use my car while I was sleeping and got caught and also took my phone out and tried to be jealous because Terrence had called me. I balked at the supposed jealousy and was preparing to head home. We were arguing a little and then he punched the door. My hands started to shake. I tried to change out of my pajamas and he grabbed my skirt while I was trying to put it on. Then he took off with my car and came back and said he wouldn't let me leave, to just come back upstairs, I refused I just wanted to go home so I said get out of the car. We had a standoff, I called Nia to come get me and so that she would know where I was just in case. It was a drawn out battle and at moments it felt like he was trying to break my spirit and get me to comply but nothing in the world was going to convince me to go back into the house. Finally Nia arrived and he surrendered the keys. I was shaken the entire morning, paranoid and unable to rest peacefully. Then @ 12 he called apologizing and sounding so pathetic, saying that he loved me and got jealous and doesn't know how to express himself and he didn't want me to leave b/c he knew I wouldn't talk to him after the purse incident...while we were having the standoff he jumped in my face and physically threatened me and I told him this is like a bad movie, are you kidding me? So the entire morning felt like I was looking down on someone else be mentally battered and drained and then this afternoon I ended up with him in my car talking about possibly being in a relationship. BELIEVE ME, I am like such a rational person, I know that this sounds like there is only one clear option, to remove him from my life and be thankful that he only used theatrical violence to try to sway me. But I care about this man and have for many years. I am not trying to be in a fucked up relationship but I am not going to give up on him. I know how it sounds but that's the craziness of certain situations, you know logically you're speaking gibberish to people and it makes sense to you at the time. I am not stupid, maybe too caring, but not an idiot, you won't see me wearing dark glasses talking bout I'm not gon' cry. I may end up hurt and disappointed b/c this is his very last chance b/c if he ever makes me feel unsafe again I will never talk to him again in life. That you can believe, the rest is up for debate.
) and we had some drama over him going into my purse. He tried to use my car while I was sleeping and got caught and also took my phone out and tried to be jealous because Terrence had called me. I balked at the supposed jealousy and was preparing to head home. We were arguing a little and then he punched the door. My hands started to shake. I tried to change out of my pajamas and he grabbed my skirt while I was trying to put it on. Then he took off with my car and came back and said he wouldn't let me leave, to just come back upstairs, I refused I just wanted to go home so I said get out of the car. We had a standoff, I called Nia to come get me and so that she would know where I was just in case. It was a drawn out battle and at moments it felt like he was trying to break my spirit and get me to comply but nothing in the world was going to convince me to go back into the house. Finally Nia arrived and he surrendered the keys. I was shaken the entire morning, paranoid and unable to rest peacefully. Then @ 12 he called apologizing and sounding so pathetic, saying that he loved me and got jealous and doesn't know how to express himself and he didn't want me to leave b/c he knew I wouldn't talk to him after the purse incident...while we were having the standoff he jumped in my face and physically threatened me and I told him this is like a bad movie, are you kidding me? So the entire morning felt like I was looking down on someone else be mentally battered and drained and then this afternoon I ended up with him in my car talking about possibly being in a relationship. BELIEVE ME, I am like such a rational person, I know that this sounds like there is only one clear option, to remove him from my life and be thankful that he only used theatrical violence to try to sway me. But I care about this man and have for many years. I am not trying to be in a fucked up relationship but I am not going to give up on him. I know how it sounds but that's the craziness of certain situations, you know logically you're speaking gibberish to people and it makes sense to you at the time. I am not stupid, maybe too caring, but not an idiot, you won't see me wearing dark glasses talking bout I'm not gon' cry. I may end up hurt and disappointed b/c this is his very last chance b/c if he ever makes me feel unsafe again I will never talk to him again in life. That you can believe, the rest is up for debate.
1 comments:
Jessie's comment:
Yo... do you. Go head and give him his 'very last chance'. It's easy for dudes to bark, but much harder for us bite... especially if we have feelings. Honesty, it doesn't sound like its tooooo out of control. It sounds more like anger management, which is (you're gonna give me the benefit of the doubt) much more different some abusive nigga. I mean, dude even called you after the fact. He wasn't pissed, he was embarrassed. Let him hear it, but let him pass.
...but when he start trying to make you eat cake, an have yo ass puttin them big black glasses on to go running across six-lane boulevards to book a different room to stay in - that's when you're a damn fool for staying around.
(don't act like you don't know THAT movie verbatum)
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