Such is Life.

In every relationship I go into, there comes a point where I inevitably have to tell that other person my one big issue.  And each time has been unique unto itself and the person involved.  And the last time was the very worst and I am still coming to grips with the aftershock.  But I am getting to a point where I'm not even sure that the emotional strain on me is worth whatever unknown outcome.  Should I just stick to my circle that already know everything about me and keep it moving or still be open to new relationships?  I just tried to open up to a friend tonight and he made it so difficult and as if it was his hardship that I was like dumbfounded.  Never has anyone been so dramatic before I spilled the beans, I mean really.  And still he does not want to know.  And I'm like well whatever it's not something I like revealing anyway.  Such is life right.  It's just not fair though, because I can tell I've changed my entire outlook on relationships because of my experience and it sucks.  It's not fair to me or any prospects.  I don't even know how to describe the alienation of the truth at times.  How I have to will myself to be honest every time, how I wished I had no character at all and could live my life with a different mentality.  But I am so very thankful for friends like Terrence and the such, who have shown me that being yourself pays off and the people who are meant to be in your life won't make it difficult for you to be comfortable in your own skin.  And I am now seeing that these facts make it easier for me to disclose the things I keep closest to my vest because I have faith in people on a whole.  Sometimes.