I'm trying to make a conscious effort to check certain emotions, actions, and trains of thought. I haven't been in a substantial relationship for a while (The Benito Show DOES NOT count
), so I understand that I am emotionally deprived. My actions and my moods as of late have been slightly out of character. I attribute it mostly to feeling frustrated and not seeing any rays of hope. It's not as if people don't approach me, which is the irony. I don't have a type but I ALWAYS know what I'm NOT into, unfortunately I'm still a little too nice with letting dudes down, don't want to embarrass them so I might exchange numbers and then never call or answer the phone, which I realize is juvenile and fucked up. Oh well, they eventually get the message. And also, older dudes, 40s and up have been showing interest, ehhhh. I am SO not beat to be dealing with someone my Uncle's age
. I guess 25 really is a turning point, maybe dudes my age are now looking at younger chicks and younger dudes are looking at older chicks so the older dudes are looking at me!!! Lord help me if that's the case. Anyhow, I feel stagnant in my life, still having full knowledge that I am the only person that can alleviate that situation. So meanwhile I am not as cheerful, and I feel less energized, and I am sort of listless and sullen. It's not a good look. I am trying to check it. I scanned through tons of old photo albums on my cpu checking out my progression, even the self photos I take are more serious, unless I'm out at a function. So I am trying to be introspective and do a preemptive strike so that I won't fall into a rut. I think I just want something or someone fresh and new to inject some joy into my life and heart. At the same time that I feel down and out, I know that all of my needs will be met, I just have to be ready to accept the good things in life and see them at face value. So I'll check my pessimism as well. It's a process, life. But I wouldn't change it! 
), so I understand that I am emotionally deprived. My actions and my moods as of late have been slightly out of character. I attribute it mostly to feeling frustrated and not seeing any rays of hope. It's not as if people don't approach me, which is the irony. I don't have a type but I ALWAYS know what I'm NOT into, unfortunately I'm still a little too nice with letting dudes down, don't want to embarrass them so I might exchange numbers and then never call or answer the phone, which I realize is juvenile and fucked up. Oh well, they eventually get the message. And also, older dudes, 40s and up have been showing interest, ehhhh. I am SO not beat to be dealing with someone my Uncle's age. I guess 25 really is a turning point, maybe dudes my age are now looking at younger chicks and younger dudes are looking at older chicks so the older dudes are looking at me!!! Lord help me if that's the case. Anyhow, I feel stagnant in my life, still having full knowledge that I am the only person that can alleviate that situation. So meanwhile I am not as cheerful, and I feel less energized, and I am sort of listless and sullen. It's not a good look. I am trying to check it. I scanned through tons of old photo albums on my cpu checking out my progression, even the self photos I take are more serious, unless I'm out at a function. So I am trying to be introspective and do a preemptive strike so that I won't fall into a rut. I think I just want something or someone fresh and new to inject some joy into my life and heart. At the same time that I feel down and out, I know that all of my needs will be met, I just have to be ready to accept the good things in life and see them at face value. So I'll check my pessimism as well. It's a process, life. But I wouldn't change it! 
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