I Suck at Life

I wanted to start this off by saying that I suck at life.  But that's not actually the case.  I suck at certain things in life.  Like accepting when people are attracted to me, feeling worthy of male attention, getting past my own emotional roadblocks and letting someone love me.  Yea, I totally blow at that.  A very good friend of mine has been trying to express to me that he wants us to be more than friends.  And what have I done?  Everything BUT go with the flow.  I mean yea I am pretty over-analytical and dense when it comes to emotions, but I am such a spazz when I feel self-conscious, I mean an absolute douche.  So I've tried to write letters, I've sent messages, we've had talks, and every time any of these communicae have ended, I've felt more frustrated, confused and stupid.  I feel like I never say the right thing.  To compare this situation to a chess game, I'm anticipating all the WRONG moves so when I counter, I ended up in checkmate on my own, like WTF?  I am so non-trusting.  I mean this might seem like I'm "should-ing all over myself" but I really feel like I need a do-over for the last, let's say, 2 weeks.  If I thought more of myself I would have followed my heart's instinct which was to just say, yes, let's go, let's try to be together, what's the worst that could happen?  I mean I've been hurt before, I've hurt people, it's a fair playing field.  Instead I'm tip-toeing through a mine field of the bullshit I've spewed out because of fear of REJECTION of all things.  And he said straight out he wanted a relationship.  This is tragic.  I'm not even Greek.