Yesterday I got a letter from a friend that's in prison. I slacked off with our correspondence for like, 6 months, and finally wrote him 3 weeks ago, and the tone of his letter expressed his disappointment. Yet he still cares enough to be encouraging and inspiring. He wants to know when I'm going back to school. Well all I have to do is get my transcript from UMD and write my personal statement and my app will be done, he wants me to be successful and not settle for my dead end ass job and this mundane existence I've carved out for myself. Truth be told I like some consistency and not much excitement. Considering the things I've experienced over the years, mundane is the best thing for me.
But he also said he's finally gonna live his life for himself when he's freed, and I thought about that. Am I living my life for myself? What are my immediate goals? How can I achieve them? I sometimes feel like I can't even be concerned with those kind of questions with the immense loneliness that's been weighing me down recently. It's something I've internalized, but when I get home to my quite house and think in my head about who would console me with the way I feel right now, there's no one. Except for maybe my pen pal, but he's got another 3 years.
But he also said he's finally gonna live his life for himself when he's freed, and I thought about that. Am I living my life for myself? What are my immediate goals? How can I achieve them? I sometimes feel like I can't even be concerned with those kind of questions with the immense loneliness that's been weighing me down recently. It's something I've internalized, but when I get home to my quite house and think in my head about who would console me with the way I feel right now, there's no one. Except for maybe my pen pal, but he's got another 3 years.
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