There's rules to this game...

This negro. He calls me tonight asking what I'm doing and if I have any movies, if he can come through and watch em, I play him like, um, why would I let you come over so I can get all caught up again? But then I feel bad like I shouldn't act cold-blooded. And so I go to Blockbuster and rent Waist Deep, remembering that he wanted to see it. I call him to tell him I changed my mind, he's like I already saw the movie and I have things to do in the morning so I'm just gonna head home. So now I feel like an idiot and he's like I'll come watch it with you. I'm like spare me your pity company, it's not that deep. Things resolve themselves and he ends up over here and as soon as he's in the door he gives me a big ass hug. The whole night is a dance of mixed signals and head tricks, I'm still tired just thinking about it. He's huggin', kissin', and rubbin' up on me, then when I try to reciprocate he's like I don't want to get my feelings hurt. I gets the fuck up and am like, your CD (that was burning), is done. I can't do it, he needs to be straight up, I'm not good at the back and forth, this is not a good look. As he's leaving he's like I've already broken my rules just by being here, I'm like, um, you have rules?? The #1 rule should be, stop playing games, period.

AND he just called me to tell me he just got home, and that hopefully he'll talk to me tomorrow. If you want to get back with me, let a chick know, I'll make arrangements. But this Inspector Gadget secret agent coded ish, is wack.

Is Myspace serious? & Other Ramblings...

'Cause I know when I just signed on the first thing I saw wasn't a damn Seinfeld advertisement, after the inflammatory shit Michael Richards said about black people, and meant, in a very non-comical way!?  Imma chalk that shit up to poor planning on Myspace's behalf.  As my ex would say, "tighten up" - Myspace.  Also, I've been blogging behind your back, I've been seeing another website, and I think it's time you should know, I'm now a Facebook whore.  There, I said it.  I love it, and it loves me and we're really happy together so just let me live my life, ok Myspace.  Don't look at me like that.  I mean, we can still kick it and everything, but I'm just exploring my options, maybe one day I'll be back, and realize how much you mean to me.  But probably not, so start weighing your options.  Anywho, ya'll should join Facebook if you haven't, they are letting non-grads and non-collegiates on there now, so it's like a whole new world for me, then you can read my current blogs, some good stuff goings on...

Ex-cessive

So my ex called me this morning to get in touch with my brother the Caddy mechanic to get his Deville fixed. Then after I put him in touch with him, he called me back to thank me, which is fine, but then he wants to chit chat and I'm like, did you or did you not play me the fuck out not a week or so ago (in my head of course)?? But I told him I had to take a nap and he acted like I was trying to get off of the phone. Don't do that, don't Dr. Phil me. So just now while I was on my way home from work, the boy calls me again to actually talk, acting like we still together, asking me "who was that, and why you put me on hold." Ninja please. Men are a hot ass mess. When you did have the upper hand, you wasted it being juvenile, now that I'm over the initial shock of getting dumped, I could care less. I'm G O O D pimpin, trust and believe.

A man for all seasons (excerpt from "20 Times a Lady")

"Despite the odd things I remember about some of them, on my list is a man for all seasons. There's the one who looked good on paper and the one who just looked good...the one who couldn't get it up and the one who couldn't keep it down...the one who became my best friend and the one who became my worst enemy...the one who made me sweat with anticipation and the one who left me out in the cold. There's the one night stand, the one-week fling, the pity lay, and the good one who got away. There's the one I lived for, the one I lusted after, and the one I thought I loved more than anyone else in the world. They're all there.

"What's your #?

Working out works it out.

Believe me, I hear what ya'll are saying.  Get rid of Benito, give myself a chance at happiness and let go of the idea of what could be and be real about it.  But I can't.  And honestly I don't want to.  I don't know why I even complain cause I can't see myself cutting him out of my life, ever.  So I had thoughts about the past couple weeks rattling in my head today as I ran some errands, but as soon as I went to the gym, I felt like the weight had been lifted.  I have to let things like that go, I can't change how Andre feels about the situation just like he can't change how I feel about Benito.  And unfortunately I can't change Benito.  So I'll leave it all up to time, in the meanwhile, I'm feeling a surge of productivity in the air.  I got an appointment on Tues. to get an estimate on all of the work my car needs.  I'm going to be taking a points class in Dec., and of course in the back of my mind is always SCHOOL.  But the matter at hand now is just how many houses should I visit on Thanksgiving!  I feel a lot better tonight, working out works out a lot of frustration, good stuff.

Back to square 1.

Apparently 1 is the loneliest number.  I disagree.  I would say 2 is, I would say that it is the most frustrating number and the loneliest when it goes from 2 to 1, or it's 2 but you feel neglected.  Andre broke up with me, told me he couldn't trust me cause I was still picking Benito up from work and last night he called while I was taking Benito home and I didn't answer.  So he stuck to his contention about Benito having disrespected him and he was like I can't deal with you if you still dealing with him, told me to have a nice life.  I was like I respect your decision blah blah blah, what could I say really?  Dudes act like they want honesty from the door but what they really want is for you to lie to their asses.  From the gate.  That way, everything goes smoothly.  He didn't trust me from the beginning anyway, I doubt that anything I did recently swayed him so much as to dead the relationship.  I'm a little too long in the game to get hustled by dude - with his baby nuts.  Anyway.  And now my relationship with Benito has taken a different road because now he feels like I'll kick him to the curb for any dude that shows me interest, which I have done in the past but I always end up sticking to him, which is why I'm in this situation now.  At least I wasn't with Andre long enough to actually be hurt, I'm more disappointed than anything, it could have really been something but it started off on such a bad note.  1 maybe a lonely number, but I always have me, myself, and I, so that's a good thing.
P.S.  When I was @ work today, I mentioned I had like over 40 hours and my assistant manager was like, it was nice seeing you today, see you Sunday.  So I clocked the eff out and dipped.  That's funny, I worked so much I was messing with their money, and they couldn't have that!

Are you SERIOUS?!

What type of Young and the Restless ish is going on in my life?  Last night I was picking Benito up from work and Andre called me because he was going to come over when I got home.  But I had to wait till 12 and I had already told Andre that but he still called me.  So when I answered and he asked where I was Benito started talking shit to him and I was like are ya'll serious?  Benito keeps blaming Andre for the friction between us and Andre keeps blaming Benito for me being stressed out.  I'm blaming myself for trying to keep both of them in my life when it's painfully obvious that Benito is threatened by the fact that I actually like Andre.  I think he assumed I would never get too serious with another guy and wait around like a nun for him to get good and ready to be with me.  Ninja please.  So now after last night Andre is like dude disrespected me and if you continue to deal with him I can't deal with you.  Me and Benito fell out after that whole scene so I figured the friendship was through but then this morning he acted like everything was coochie crunch.  So now I can't tell Andre that Benito is still my friend cause he's not beat for the drama, nor am I.  But I really like this guy, and I want to give this relationship a fair chance.  So what is a girl to do?  Throw away years of friendship and history for someone I've only known a month?  Or try for happiness and a real relationship and move on?  Let me know!

Lovely.

Yay!  I met someone new, whose credentials are so excellent and who treats me so well that I wonder why I ever put up with Benito @ all.  His name is Andre and the first shocker is that he's 20.  BUT, he's got a car, his own spot, 2 jobs, goes to school, and he's doesn't have any kids!!  I mean really.  He's mature, and sweet, funny, and our personalities mix wonderfully.  He's a Gemini Xic, so you know we click.  I met him @ work, he started there like 2 weeks ago and we've been flirting here and there.  Then it dawned on me that my last day was next Mon., so I asked him for his number Tues.  We chilled that night, and while we were watching Love Jones, it gets quiet and he says, "So when you gon' tell Benito that you can't pick him up anymore?!"  I love that, that's sexy.  So it's looking like I'm gonna be seeing what's good with Andre from now on, no more Lenny and that trifling situation (so glad I didn't go all the way with homeboy).  And sooner than later, the arrangement with Benito has to come to a screeching halt.  Cause Andre is worth it, and I haven't felt this optimistic about someone in a long time.  Yay!