Yesterday "Mr. Big" and I spent the day together, but he was in a shitty mood all day until we went to TGIFriday's and he finally expressed his emotions, he shared a lot of deep and personal things with me, but it was so depressing that I started to feel sad and we were supposed to have fun. When we stopped by my house so that I could change for work, I got so frustrated that I just blurted out "we're never going to be together." He was thrown aback and defensive saying that the reason he's not affectionate is because it would give the wrong message and sex complicates things (as if we haven't had sex before!
) and that if we get married he wants us to really know each other so that it will last. All of which gives me no solace right now, he doesn't understand how hard it is for me to keep my feelings platonic when I want to show my affection every time we're together. And to add confusion to this madness, this morning before I went to work he got in the car and said "I've been thinking about something and I think it's going to shock you." So we drive to Quick Chek and when we get out of the car he says come here, and KISSES me
. So now my head is spinning, I don't know whether that was him opening the gateway for affection or a one time thing. Inside he says, "I was thinking about it and, what's a hug?" Which is nice and everything but if nothing else it made things more awkward. So when I get off of work he comes over to watch a movie rental with me, @ first we're both sitting up in the bed and the next thing I know he's sitting in my office chair like as far away as possible. I thought he was sleeping throughout the entire movie, it was so wack. Then when I'm taking him home I just start getting so depressed. I can't keep playing these games. I really can't. I deserve so much more than a random kiss in a parking lot. I'm going to sleep on it though, cause it hurts too much to keep talking about.
) and that if we get married he wants us to really know each other so that it will last. All of which gives me no solace right now, he doesn't understand how hard it is for me to keep my feelings platonic when I want to show my affection every time we're together. And to add confusion to this madness, this morning before I went to work he got in the car and said "I've been thinking about something and I think it's going to shock you." So we drive to Quick Chek and when we get out of the car he says come here, and KISSES me. So now my head is spinning, I don't know whether that was him opening the gateway for affection or a one time thing. Inside he says, "I was thinking about it and, what's a hug?" Which is nice and everything but if nothing else it made things more awkward. So when I get off of work he comes over to watch a movie rental with me, @ first we're both sitting up in the bed and the next thing I know he's sitting in my office chair like as far away as possible. I thought he was sleeping throughout the entire movie, it was so wack. Then when I'm taking him home I just start getting so depressed. I can't keep playing these games. I really can't. I deserve so much more than a random kiss in a parking lot. I'm going to sleep on it though, cause it hurts too much to keep talking about. 
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