DAMN YOU!

I tried to end my drought today but I ended up arguing with dude and taking his black ass back to where I picked him up from, which threw me into the Twilight Zone because it happened to be the former home of my first love, Lenny.  Imagine all the emotion that rose up inside, and all I could think of was why are you arguing with me!  You're not "Mr. Big,"  I don't have to cater to you!  Get a grip, know your role, and stfu!  So now I'm like, well maybe I should tell "Mr. Big" that I'm backed up and I can't see myself letting anyone else relieve me.  Which means if he isn't up for the job, I'm assed out.  I would love to have someone in my life that would fill up the emotional black hole that he leaves in his wake, but that person has not made themselves known to me, and I don't want to introduce a reason for "Mr. Big" to pull away from me.  I just don't.  It's not worth it, some meaningless sex or physicality with someone you don't love?  What's the point?  Jesus I wish I could overcome my physical needs right now, but I guess I've reached the brink.  So DAMN YOU: Mr. Big, all you wack ass dudes I used to jump off with, and every man who ever made me feel confused.  If you were in the desert dying of thirst I wouldn't piss in your mouth to save your life.